even if it were possible, it would be a short phase

like a cobbler fixing a wobbly shoe, or having plastic surgery on your face.

typing my blog in the darkness, and the song that's playing on my blog.

i like the dark now, its mysterious, which is the reason why its safe.

while many fear it i embrace with every drop of blood in my system.

the air conditioning is set to a low 16 degrees celsius, but body feels like its on fire now.

hallelujah to the wholesome families out there. treasure the love that is there. if its fading, salvage it, salvage it before it dissolves in front of your very own eyes. Do something about it, make a difference, not to stand out, but to lead. lead the rest out of the darkness. i'll stay here, in the nice, cold dark room of four corners. i'll watch your every move, i'll see every problem that lies in every soul that has lost love. i'll look for it for you, don't worry about me. helping you is what shall do, what i will do, and what i'm made to do.

love is all around, maybe its covered by a cloud of dust. blow it away, make it warm, like a home made apple pie full of loving warmth.

rationing my breaths? nah, i'll take every god damn breath i want. i've been trying so hard, but who cares? you think living life is about the happy moments? well, you idiots have failed maths, much worse than the f9s that i walk around with. calculate the number of happy moments over the sad moments. i assure you you will never in your life achieve an improper fractions, because forever will the top be smaller than the bottom. woohoo, i can count.

going over every weekend, when the other fades into another world.

i love my half-brother, he is a bastard to my biological mother.

i carried him in the rain, ran as fast as i could. we went to get ice cream from shell station because he wanted ice cream. it was pouring, i took of my shirt to cover his head and used another plastic bag to cover his head. thank goodness he was dry and didn't fall sick. 

i love you ryan, i know its hard for you to understand now, but i assure you, i'll be by your very side fighting against this cruel world we are forced to face. never will i leave your side. we shall go to war together like real men. 16 year old, and 4 year old. with your pure innocence, and my tortured soul. life's gonna be much tougher for you when you're my age next time. i know it will be. but never worry, i'm here for you brother, fuck the half bloodedness. we share the same blood for all the fuck i care. i'll be there for you. i promise i will be.

mummy, i know its tough facing this world without love. perhaps some god up there will be kind enough to send an angel down beside you. i won't mind you having another husband. if its what would really make you happy, make you not worry so much. make you a better person. its okay mummy, everyone needs love from a particular someone, even i do. i forgive you for calling ryan a bastard, perhaps someday you will come to an understanding too, that it was never his fault he was brought into this world, but now that he's here, i have no choice but to protect his soul. and i will fight against any daring soul to the last drop of blood if i have to. thank you mummy for your everlasting support, but my life's too complicated to make simple sometimes, i hope one day you will understand.

jiejie, grandma would really love to see you, do come over more often, we'd all love to see that smile on that pretty face more often. your beauty is in who you are sister, in every thing you do. we've fought many times, but to come to an understanding one day, and laugh to ourselves about our sillylessness. thanks for giving such a feminine touch to my life, making me a more gentlemanly person and teaching me about things in life thats given me a head start at races in life.

grandma, haha, you can't even understand english. but what the heck. your love for your son and your grandson have been everlasting. your persistence in the hell house has been worshipable. i will never forget the day you left lakepoint condominium when i was primary 2. no worries grandma, i will look after myself. you have to promise you do too. thanks for all the birthday noodles, i love you.

yo daddyo! the most respectable man in my life. for all the mistakes that you've made and all the times you've been an asshole of a man. i still love you, i still forgive you. thank you so much for sticking around us. i know its not easy to work your job, but if one day you give it up for something less stressful, with a lower pay, and we lose our wealth, i won't mind daddy, its okay. i can live without everything except a happy father. thank you for all your inspirational talks. i know you've wanted to see good results, but i'm sorry for the red underlines. i just can't help but hover over the problems that we're in right now. i fear that if i don't  do anything about it, it'll be too late next time. you dad, is the one man who has impacted my life, be in good or bad ways. but i'm still appreciative for it. thanks for giving me your everlasting support. sorry if i was the reason you got wealthy and made you make the wrong decisions you did in your life. sorry daddy. thanks for everything.

cheryl, haha, isn't that a lovely name? who'd thought i'd actually fall in love with you even when i knew so little about you? thank you for all the beautiful times over the past 10++ months. I really wish you'd let me help you sometimes, i know baby, your soul is still pure. untouched. but we've grown up now, and its time you learnt things about reality, for you'll be even more hurt if you're unable to cope next time. I do wish sometimes you'd be more affectionate though, but i know there are some things i just can't change about you. but things that have to change, have to change. baby, i love you so much, that i want to do anything in my will to make you a better someone, and sorry if i get irritated sometimes, but i'd hope you'd trust me a bit more okay? what you said yesterday did break my heart. it shattered every piece of it. but i forgive you baby, and i hope you too will treat me with love and forgiveness. i'll forgive you for every mistake you do baby. i remember you told me once about how it was good that i reflected, but do reflect yourself as well after a quarrel okay? i know sometimes its my fault, but like i've been saying a long time ago, it takes two to clap. i'd love to hear you apologise more, but only if you've come to realise how much i've done for you okay? and how much you've overlooked at all the small details. i love you cheryl chu, god i love you sooooo much i can't bear to ever let you go. it hurts sometimes to hear the truth, i know, but if its to make you a better person baby, i have no choice but to do so. i'm sorry. i do hope you do some soul-searching as i have done many times in thinking of anything that i've overlooked what you've done for me. about the times i try my very best to meet you, why i want to meet you, about waiting, at times, hours on ends, about how i try every time, to try my very best to be your sole companion in the wee hours of the morning. i hope you do baby, i love you. thank you for everything that you've done for me baby, all the kisses, all the letters, presents, lunches, times. thank you baby.

managed to do a maths homework in class today, totally awesome (:

lit was, kinda fun. Latiff told us about his lovely trip to some offshore island during the hols. 

said something really true, about how he plans to spend as much time with his kids as possible before they grow old and give excuses not to tag along for family outings (:

basketball was, fun?

i realize our game is getting rougher. kinda like playing american football!

i have 2 injuries today!

one on the arm, because i tried blocking him and and kena his elbow (:

another wonderful from irvin when he was trying to layout and took my leg for the floor.

it's kinda swollen, but it should go down soon lah.

seems like i have nothing much to blog about today.

sorry about the boring post people.

and uh, i got something from cheers for alan. 

now he owes me one! (: 

okay thats about it, take care people.

shall post again tomorrow (:

loads of stuff happened over the past few weeks of which i have posted. 

At least i'm making a few people happy because this post is a happy post! (ppl/burdens like alan for example. haha! )

we had a chalet last weds to friday! pretty cool. The brothers were there except for the yangster, hopefully he'll make it for the year end's one (: And uh, cheryl's friends were there too! More guys stayed over for the first day though. We had loads of fun bbqing. Thanks mervyn for entertaining me while we attempted desperately to start a fire with pathetic charcoal chips (: Bbq was pretty much a success though, guys did all the cooking and we had a real good time cooking stuff (: we made the corns golden yellow, made the chicken pretty we cooked, and the prawns, (after baby's review), completely RED! (:

we had three bottles of hard liquor which included smirnoff's no.21 triple distilled vodka, a one litre absolute vodka (generously donated by kitmun) and a bacardi superior! (: It was a pretty sucky first attempt at being a bar tender, but it was pretty fun i have to say (: we forgot to get the juices we needed for many of the drinks, so we headed down to cheers at about 1230mn to get the juices. The brothers had a totally awesome time walking to and fro cheers. Walked past old changi hospital and we spooked ourselves with stories while jia hao was showing me his goosebumped skin (:

Things kinda got outta hand during our arrival. not the brothers though don't worry. haha. and i'm sorry i unknowingly made you feel like crap baby, i assure you it shall never happen again (: and never shall your eyes be filled with candy! :P 

as things settled down, brothers - alan = 7 brothers because alan went home for he had a trip to genting the next day, we played a number guessing with alcohol. i had 5 shots in total, got me a wee bit tipsy. i know yihan got the most. haha! As we finished the last few drops of alcohol i could feel the bonds between us, sounds kinda gay but, we are brothers for life (:

we left the room when we emptied the bottles (: uh, this part nothing much happened, i went to take a bath, brushed my teeth, and KOed on the bed in room 3 because i was too tired. sorry i didn't keep you company baby on the first night baby. 

The guys and cheryl's first batch of schoolmates left first about noon.

we had a totally cool 3 hours for ourselves before her church friends arrived! (:

haha, but because of my baby's exhausted self, i told her i'd take care of the mopping of the floor, packing of the room and the sofas, etc. she soon fell asleep on the bed in room 1 and i was left battling household chores. haha! diana soon smsed cheryl, but because i saw how sweet she was asleep, i decided to help cheryl with the smsing so she could nap more (: in the end she napped a cool 1hr plus and i still managed to get diana to the right chalet and packed the entire chalet! (:

The second bbq was tiring as well, diana should know. i was fanning the fire like crazy, i even cut myself doing so (: wasn't until i opened another bag of charcoal (dejavu like the first day) and i got the large pieces of charcoal! (: managed to start the fire after that. Thank you diana for  entertaining me and talking to me while i was trying super hard to start the fire (:

Though its kinda like the second time we talked, felt pretty comfortable around diana, like she's someone that's fun to talk to (: and thick-skinned as well! (: she bbqed along with me and i complimented her the whole night about her cooking perfect drumlets. haha! (: 

later at night we watched run papa run! few managed to survive the entire movie, i'm sure people missed parts of the movie. and WOOHOO! (: i got to lie beside baby while watching the movie! (: she was falling asleep too though. and i had to sacrifice my bed for the other girls to sleep on, so i didn't get to sleep beside baby sadly, maybe during the year end chalet perhaps? 

The next day we packed our stuff and set off for home (: baby and i took bus 10 all the way home! (: sorry i couldn't send you all the way to your back gate baby (:

okay, thats about it for the chalet. 

wahhh.. now i'm super lazy to type about things that happened today. haha, but i shall try (:

school SUCKED. i bet even baby agrees (:

freaking 720-1600. Like.... WTH WTF WFTJEFIGOJEHNIONOT MAN!!!!

but! but but but, i still managed to persuade baby, despite how much she was trying to stop me the last night, ( which ended in a not so nice good night), to let me meet her! she's so sweet, she didn't want me to meet her because of the taxi fare and about troubling me to come down just to meet her for such a short while.

but to be honest baby, i truly am, willing to spend and do anything i can to make you happy, and never should you feel guilt from it, because seeing you happy is worth anything that i sacrifice understand? (: I don't mind taking taxis three-four times a week just to see you, but making you smile cheek to cheek during lunch just now made it all worth while darling. i have never seen you smiled so sweetly over lunch with me before, it really was a first in 10++ months (: and everyone! i made her eat cucumber! aka crunchy, green duck meat! that's what i said it was in order to spite her (: yes yes, it was her first time eating cucumber! for those of you that just gave the computer screen a whatever look, there's a first for everything hor, so take that look back. 

as i was saying, we had a great time today having duck rice at one of the shophouses near our place! (: we then headed to cold storage where we got biscuits, mentos and herworld but failed to get our main item, honey baked ham! perhaps during the next time we meet alright baby? (:

here's to all those couple's out there who are on a rocky road right now, especially bbssians who are affected by the extended hours of lessons!

yes it does seem that friday may be the only day that really provides the time for us to meet, (ps: she's prohibited from going out with me on saturdays) and yes i hated knowing the fact that i could only have her in my arms once a week, but with enough love guys, you can change things. no matter how much either party may hesitate, always take in a good stride, that they are doing it for you, and try even harder to sacrifice all that you can! don't neglect your studies though, they are important too! okay that's about all for today, a really really long post

many thanks to baby for helping me link all the new people! (: have fun reading guys

have a great day, do come to check for new posts! (: