hey everyone. Yes its been a freaking long time.i just read my ' jie's ' blog since i saw a blog link on her msn nick.
her post was sweet yet sour. it was lovely yes heartwrenching to read. well, there's always two sides of a story i guess.
just in case you're wondering, here's the link: http://the-airpork.blogspot.com/
just gotta love the song on her blog. and yes i'm "sharing" the file now. haha.
hey cool, there's a beetle in front of my keyboard.
either that or its dead.
Its feels cold tonight. No its not the cold wind, my blood feels cold.
Baby isn't her normal self today, anyway, cheer up baby! don't be so upset already okay?
its making me feel really bad for not being able to do anything.
i'm so sorry.
you know, people tell me,
that cheryl's a little princess,
well, i've finally come up with a response for you guys (:
i love cheryl, whether its right or wrong.
its affecting my results
its taking up a lot of my time
i give in too much for her
i pamper her too much.
yes i know all these.
perhaps, i'm trying to seek love till fill up the lost section of my heart in my life.
but i need it, to live and love on another day.
even if it means all this.
i don't want to lose her, neither do i want to break her heart.
she can take everything from me, but as long as she loves and cares for me the way you'd feel
when your mum and dad tell you they love you.
they do tell me they love me, but
its just not the same as a family living under one roof.
i'm thankful for cheryl, for her stubborness,
her imperfections,
her unreasonable decisions at times (everyone does this, so don't point fingers at others because
you know there are 3 pointing straight back at you)
she's perfect the way she is.
she's the one i love and cherish the most,
she's the one that fills up the empty space in my arms.
puppy love? so what if it is, its still love.
love, something thats lacking in this world of ours.
don't take for granted what you have.
expect nothing more than everything that you have less.
thank you baby
for being by me when you are by me.
for giving me an extra source of love.
we'll have many more problems to come, it'll take sleepless nights and teary eyes,
but we'll try together won't we?
cool the beetle's alive. its turned 45 degress to the right and its almost directly facing me.
thank you baby for telling me about daddy, sorry i shouldn't have got irritated with you
telling me that he was swearing while he was drunk. just isn't nice to hear about your dad
doing something like that, hope you understand that i too, fail to hold in my feelings
sometimes.
yes yes, apparently daddy got drunk. i hope everything's okay at home. damn i'm tearing.
but at least he gets drunk less often nowadays, and he's smoke free! (: broking sucks now
because of the market. Oil prices go up, buyers are afraid to buy because they fear it
might fall after they buy, and lose money. Sellers are afaid to sell, because they're afraid
prices would go up even higher after they sell. So, the market's coming to a standstill,
but like what daddy said, it all goes in a cycle. Hopefully it turns back soon. Hold on tight
daddyo, we'll carry the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow back home together (:
You know unruly students in school, with attitude problems, etc. They and even teachers and
counsellors claim its because of family problems. Well, this is what daddy told me, this (our
wrecked family) has nothing to do with you, just focus on your studies. I can't blame him,
he went through life spending so little time with his dad, my grandpa. apparently grandpa
would go to work so early in the morning and come back so late in the night that daddy
barely had time to see him. Dad told me of how he remembered the one night, that
grandpa had finally saved enough money to buy a brand new radio. Yup, a radio. He
told me how he was awake when he saw grandpa testing it out the night he brought it home.
Family problems are the cause of all these? i don't think so. They're just excuses. We're
getting older, and its time we learnt to adapt and survive ourselves. Though it does hurt
badly inside sometimes when you think deep about the crap of a family i'm in. But i'm
thankful daddy still sticks around, and thankful for my half-brother, ryan. The little
bugger's full of joy. and thankful for mummy for bringing me up (:
People around me know me, as pro-active, enthusiastic even in the most impossible situations
the entertaining guy in class, the rich-man's son, the one who has the looks, the money, the
everything. Well, yes i was born into this world with all these. But at a price, and i'm sure
this post has enlightened many of you whom know nothing about my family background.
Should men cry? even if they shouldn't, i do. I cry at night. When everyone's asleep,
i know mummy cries too, but she does it like me, quietly. I know grandma, big sis, daddyo,
they all do feel the hurt too. Not many have seen me tear. Only the fellow family members.
many would be shocked to know a strong figure like me can actually tear, to actually
feel that gut and throat wrenching feeling when you cry your heart out.
It pains me to know how i have been failing at so many things in my life.
The numerous attempts i try to make people around me be proud of me, to make them worry
less about me, to make their day and put smiles on their faces. Cheryl, Daddy, Mummy, Big sis,
Grandma, Ryan and everyone else. Everytime i fail, there is no one else to place the blame
on but myself. For all the times i've failed and ended up making things worse. I'm sorry for
ruining your days all the times i did. but i really hope you know, i'm not doing it
intentionally, sometimes i'm like you, i'm human too, i too need a break at times, and i'm
really sorry for being unable to live up to your expectations. i'm really sorry.
this post is long enough.
sorry for such a saddening post people. have a nice day though. time to wash my face and
eyes. take care now, i'll post again soon.
