It's about me.

{ one post. one REALLY long post! haha (:. }

Monday, July 28, 2008 // 7/28/2008 11:37:00 PM

YES!!! I'm finally posting AGAIN!!! (: haha!

Today's post shall cover what's been happening in my ever-changing life from the previous saturday, 19th july, till today, 28th july (:

1 freaking weak of not posting and now loads of people bug me for a post (: especially my queen! haha. Are my posts really that enjoyable to read? please leave your opinion on my tag yeah? stranger or anonymous also can, i'm pretty much fine with anything.

okay! let's get started, the first two pictures that are seen above. Yes! i've finally got my outstanding cadet award! which, as you can see from the date, was supposed to be given on the 31st of march. haha (: NCC never fails itself for its reputation for always being unable to carry out admin work on time (: but whatever the matter, i really wanna thank all the people who have been around me in NCC these four years, making it such a memorable four years! people like clarence, the five man team which consists of me, gary, sean, yien jun and ronald, and also the entire unit, i know we've been struggling like hell recently and performing like crap, but i promise you guys after the 56th cadet officer course, you guys will get the worst "tekaning"(punishing/torture) of your life (: and bring the bbss NCC land unit back where it was (: and also! Thank you so much the teachers-in-charge! (: mr mazlee, mr quek, mr chiew (who has already left bbss), mr nagulan, and the recently "knighted" mr nicholas lim! (: Thanks mr mazlee for never failing to over-exaggerate the honour i have attained upon receiving all my awards! (: your wonderful yet short powerful speeches will always remain in my heart (:

Many thanks to peers as well! for giving me everlasting support! people like clive, denise, alan of course!), the brothers. And thank you baby as well! (: for writing lovely letters for me for each day of the courses that i've been to (:

It has really been a pleasant journey in the NCC and its all thanks to you guys! (:

Okay! with that done, today, was pretty cool. We had 4 tests in total!! haha (:

amazingly guys, 3 of which were surprise tests. And thankfully out of 4, i think i did 3 relatively okay (: haha!

went to meet cheryl today! had lunch together! duck rice again! somehow it seems that whenever we have lunch there together, we always have funny things to chat about and bully each other with! haha (: and i'm sure you enjoy that too baby (: after heading over to cold storage to get a couple of things, i sent her home! (: and went to dad's place for a while. Played with ryan too! and the poor fella fell down while i was playing with him! haha (: guess how? he was running around in circles! and he fell! (: poor guy! had to carry him back into the house and wash his leg for him (: don't worry people, he's a strong, strong little dude, he's fine now (:

as for the photo above my cert and plaque, it shows the 200 bus i took this afternoon on the way home! (: the interior of it to be exact. And the reason why i took that photo is because obviously, it differs from the normal interior of a single-deck sbs bus don't you agree? haha. it even had a plasma/LCD screen on the left side of the picture, right in front of the lady, but it wasn't working though. and it was a NTU advertised bus, so i supposed the whole idea of redesigning the bus must have been theirs for some reason (:

okay, thats about all for today! shall move on to the previous days! (:

SUNDAY!/ Yesterday!

totally awesome day (: pretty relaxed at the same time (: played with ryan for most of the day (:

We went swimming at Caribbean (condominium ar guys, not the actual Caribbean), and had loads of fun with ryan! haha (: kept trying to teach/ persuade him to try swimming in the deep pool, which he actually could, with the aid of the swimming board that is (: Though eventually, he spent more time in the kids' pool. haha (: we went to sakuraya at the village centre for dinner! which explains the photo! (: tobbiko is supposedly FLYING fish roe(or egg) and not frying fish roe, unless there is such a breed of fish that apparently i'm not aware of! haha (: dinner was delish, fish was fresh, though it lacked a little bit of rice on my side (: went home after that and that was about it (:

SATURDAY!

Went out with Alan in the afternoon! we went out with the brothers for lunch at botak jones first though (: Sadly the food prices have increased slightly, and the extra fries are actually a dollar a plate when they were actually free flowing :( Sorry alan for touching on a sensitive issue there and i didn't mind you hitting me with the skateboard and all, just try and chill a little next time dude (: The two of us then headed down to suntec with one sole purpose and the purpose was to hunt for that remarkable joker poster. The one that has joker holding his card on the right hand and a dagger in the left. And his back was facing the camera. That, i have to say, is one totally GNHARLY poster!! (: and i paid it for alan first (: sadly we didnt have enough cash for the frame, so he's gonna get it some time soon (: enjoy the poster though bro (:

We seperated at outram and i headed to daddy's place, and when i got there we headed to vivo, where i was earlier taking a bus to his place.. haha (: we patronized no signboard seafood restaurant! (: the fried rice was good, chilli crab was, unique in its own way lar, not the usual one that i normally eat, vegetables was good. and uh, thats about all we ate lar (: BUT! but but but, the best part of the dinner was? DADDY LET ME DRINK BEER! and not just one can or a sip or two. But we shared 3 jugs of beer together! haha! and it was totally awesome getting a chance to drink with daddy. haha (: apparently he claimed, when i asked him how many jugs have we had, which he answered 3, and i awed, that this was just a piss in the ocean for him! (: haha. not something to be really proud of, but definitely cool in its own way (: glasses were chilled and the beer was icy cold. and it tasted superb! (: drank about 4-5 full glasses in total (: had a little giddiness from the alcohol but that was all (: Thanks daddy for that wonderful night! (: headed home after that where i went out around midnight to meet baby at her back gate for a while, and as i was a little tipsy, i fell off my bike while cycling and got a nasty wound on my shoulder. haha! (: but i'm okay now not to worry (:

Friday!

This is getting tiring.. i'm typing 3 times slower than i was yesterday.. haha (: but i shall persist on (: friday was CIP day again! (: which meant back to club 4 paws! (: And i intentionally left for the place earlier than the rest so i could spend some quality time with the dogs! (: and i got there at 130! haha (: just couldn't resist myself (: I got to play with the dogs alot more! (: and Sam was pretty busy with admin work so he was pretty much out of scene on that day (: It was okay though, with the prior experience we had last week we knew how to handle the dogs a little better (: and, I bathed quite a number of dogs this time (: There was goliath, buster, the drama queen, yoyo and patch! (: Had to sweep up the leaves as usual after that. But this week was kinda different because we got a chance to play with the dogs in their swimming pool! (: was so cool to see them swim. Out of all of them i'd say that patch swam the best (: goliath was big and clumsy! and it was so enjoyable to push his butt further into the pool just so he would swim (: Melee swam a few times too! (: and so did dumbo. but patch swam the most (: always going into the pool just because he wanted to get his donut shaped toy (:

Oh! almost forgot to mention, there was this particular dog that was super small in size (: the one that sat on irvin's lap and slept on my lap (: i didn't know her name, but apparently, she's a breast cancer survivor! (: She'd been the surgery to actually remove the tumor! (: Simply amazing isn't it?! (: the persistence of living in her just makes me feel all warm and cuddly inside (: will miss this little pooch as well! (:

And there was this particular shih-tzu that was extremely shy at first and ran away when i tried approaching it (: But after a little coaxing he finally got used to having us around him and even let us pet him! (: In fact it was yearning for attention! (: particularly from me somehow, i don't know why either but it did yearn attention from me! haha (: how adorable!

We'll miss sophie that's for sure! the ball obsessed jack russell whom i mentioned in the earlier post! (: and of course we played ball with her this time as well!! (:

Will miss you guys terribly!!!! (: i'll try dropping by on other fridays when i can okay? can't wait to goliath especially! the big clumsy giant (: hope you'll be much bigger the next time i see you ! (: till then, you'll live strong in my heart guys (:

here's.. buster!! (:

irvin and that little pooch, can't remember its name though (:

buster/ goliath/ yoyo and SOPHIE!! (:

YOYO! he's actually much bigger but somehow in the picture he looks terribly small! he's a 2 year old labrador, so he's actually pretty big already! (:

Patch!! (: and his "emo" position. haha!

And here's the little pooch asleep on my lap! (:

Tuesday! (i think)

It was racial harmony day! (: and BBSS celebrated by wearing ethnic costumes to school! (: I didn't wear any actually, i was just borrowing elliot's ethnic top which is actually youveraj's one! (: but anyway it was pretty cool because it was the first time i actually wore an ethnic piece of clothing! (: there wasn't much that happened, just that i wanted to post this photo! (:

From left: Claire! Me! and Wy-Lin! (:

Previous sunday! (: 20th july!

Had a great time at Vivo!! (: went to GV to watch red cliff with daddy and sis! (: Was pretty delighted when daddy booked gold class because it was to be my first time in there! and i still remember about him promising to bring me to watch a gold class movie sometime in primary 3 i think (: well done daddy! you didn't break your promise (:

The Lounge itself was pretty glamourous already! (: and most definitely, the seats were awesome (: they were electronically declinable and it was a super wide chair for just one person! (: Couples if you wanna watch a gold class movie here's a point to take, book last rows only! because its impossible to kiss or whatever without anyone seeing even if you are a the side, because the two seats are actually seperated (:

They gave blankets! And i was sitting alone, while daddy and sis sat behind me (: The food was awesome as well! the wings, and the nachos! (: which were actually served with a blue potato nachos as well! with loads of dips like cheese (definite must have), avocado, salsa, and whipped cheese! (: only the cheese was given in a larger amount though, the rest were pathetically little (: And for the calculative people, if you plan on watching gold class and the only money you wish to spend excessively on is the 30 dollar ticket, i'd seriously suggest that you bring in food from either outside the lounge but still within GV, or literally go to giant to get food and drinks. One stupid coke costs $4.90!!! haha. So you can get a rough idea of what kinda prices they charge (: Hope these tips will help you guys! overall the experience was really really comfy and cosy (: Did wish terribly that i had you baby, by my side. That empty seat beside me just made it unbearble to look at (:

As for the movie, loved the action scenes. Though daddy said that too much of the movie was censored, because there were to be intimate love and slightly gorrish scenes, and i felt that the love scenes were actually rather pathetic. The sad thing is that i didn't know that red cliff was just a production of the entire story! and when the end of the movie said to be continued i was totally constipated you could say. haha! but overall the action was pretty cool. all the formations of troops and stuff (: Chinese-history/war fighting/strategies on war enthusiasts should catch the movie (: not the kids though because they won't get anything that the movie is saying (: Guan Yu's face could have been a little redder though! haha! (:

Anyway, hope you liked the review of the gold class cinema and the movie (: hopefully it'll help you prepare yourself if you're gonna burn a hole in your wallet for a girlfriend or someone special eh? (: enjoy! (:

GOLD!

Yup its me alright. and i know i'm too tanned.. haha

nice wide seats!

with a side table as well! (:

Sis and daddy! (:

a rough look of what its like inside (:

here are the tix! (:

Saturday!

YES!!

I'm finally coming to the end of this post! (:

Saturday started of pretty okay, with a local michael jackson on the mrt!!! can you spot him??? haha (: was really entertaining seeing him and the faces of people as he entered the train. Good job mj (:

This is to be a short post because things went kinda downhill. But nevertheless! things are back to normal now, actually since the movie day it has been okay! (: so don't have to worry guys, we're smooth sailing now (:

he's not that difficult to spot is he? haha! (:

Okay! i've finally come to the end of my post! hope you've enjoyed reading this super long post! (: and uh, FYI cheryl and I are to be together for one year on the first of august! thank you wylin for complimenting me on my idea for the present! (: i really hope you'll like it baby! (: will reveal to you guys what it is on the actual day alright? till then people (: thanks for dropping by! and feel free to express your opinion in anyway you want on my tagboard! (: have a great week ahead people! bye! (:

Labels: fingers are aching

{ BEAUTIFUL DAY TODAY!. }

Friday, July 18, 2008 // 7/18/2008 10:13:00 PM

Debbie / Patricia / Jia Xun and GOLIATH! (:

Here we have brownie on the left, and i don't know the name of the one on the right, but i call her lamb! because she most definitely looks like one (:

Flapper! (: really cute fella that portrays this natural posture when he was waiting for the ball to be thrown. totally awesome (:

off he goes! chasing the maroon ball on the mid left of the photo (:

HERE'S MAX!!! the lucky labrador that got hand-bathed, by me! (:

Not forgetting the 2 dashing gentlemen, elliot on the left, irvin on the right, and not forgetting sweet sophie in the middle! with an unstoppable obsession with TOY balls (: missing your company already sweetheart! (:

And last but not least, PATCH! (: sweet old patch, always by sophie's side (:

NOW today has got to be one of the most happiest day over the recent weeks.

started off the day with a bang!

I got my n76 back! Sweet sweet n76, which meant, i can finally listen to music! on headphones? and not blast it out loud on public transport like some hooligan that has no social consciousness (: sorry haqiz, though i doubt you'd read my blog. haha! (: if i do find my n80 battery, promise you will lend you either phone yeah? feeling really terrible for taking the phone away lar. haha (:

and uh, got to school on time (: WHILE! happily listening to music and the same time! i finally have the soundtrack of my life back again! (:

Things were pretty smooth going in school, nothing much happened (:

Oh oh, Ralph Sore Kenneth hit my with my own newspaper sword though, and it hurt really bad! haha! i love my newspaper sword (: Note to all: newspapers wield more power than you can ever imagine. HAHA!

left school and was walking alone to rodalink nearby for a while (: Was totally ogling at road bikes!! polygon's got pretty new bikes, but polygon will still remain as polygon, the $10 rental bike at east coast. haha (: learnt a lot from the shop assistant though, taught me a few things about road bikes! thanks so much dude, feel much more enlightened now (:

Realized it was late! and had no choice but to cab down to the wonderful dog-care centre for CIP! (: apparently i arrived too early and saw irvin and debbie walking over to debbie's place as she wanted to go home to take a bath. debbie's dad is totally radical! because he has a simple stereo setup in his living room! awesome speakers with linking bi-wires pumped by a beautiful audiolab stereo amp and an awesome power amp. All finished off with a marantz cd player. PERFECT! something i wish i had (: though my set-up ain't that bad. haha. but it is something i yearn for (: i do have a turntable though! (: anyway, thank you debbie for letting me try out your audio system! (:

We soon headed off to the dog-care centre where we got briefed briefly by sam, one of the dudes in charge there. We had soooooo much fun! (: We cleaned dog poop at first, that wasn't that awesome but at least we were doing our job (: and i didn't really mind actually to be honest. After we were done, we played with all the dogs! (: there were like, over 1o dogs? yeah you can imagine how fun that musta been! We all loved sophie! the ball obsessed jack russell who just loved chasing the tennis ball we threw to her! and she'd simply bring it back to you and she'll sit between your legs and await the next throw. AWESOME dog! (:

There was also momo! whom which i didn't get to take a picture of sadly! he's a HUGE husky! (: nearing 2 years old but still, HUGE! (: and uh, there was this dog, can't remember its name or breed, that constantly got in and out of the time out area! (: finally it got sent into a small little cage where it was really left alone for a time-out (: that spunk's got too much going on sometimes, always bullying the little adorable wolf-dog! (:

Soon, we got a chance to try out bathing dogs! Sam was great at explaining the vital details on washing a dog, and i suppose after washing max, i'm more or less "certified" already! haha (: great advice from sam though, thanks! (: Now Max must have been totally enjoying himself while i scrubbed and massaged him during his bath! He even tangled me with his leash, so much so that i got stuck and that to push him so that he'd reverse! haha! (: kinda miss Max now, that little labrador (:

Oh i almost forgot, there's a pool at the dog-care centre specifically designed for dogs! didn't get a picture of it, but will get it next week (: IT'S TOTALLY GNARLY!!! (:

after settling down, we got back to some household chores again. i swept up leaves that were on the floor, while irvin and i took turns to rake leaves on the grass as well. (: i think i did a pretty good job of clearing the leaf litter! (: and thank you debbie and patricia for helping me dump the leaves into the rubbish bags (: as we were doing so, irvin did a bit of mopping as well, so did elliot and jiaxun! (: and throughout the whole process of cleaning up the leaves, sweet, sweet sophie kept me company too! she was the only dog left running about for some reason, while the rest were kept in a little area (:

After that ordeal, we were pretty shagged already! haha (: we ended up just slacking around playing with the dogs again (: we left at about 7 after a short debrief and Q&A by sam. Really enjoyed myself there today! (: so glad that we can do it again next friday! (:

After leaving, patricia headed home and the remaining of us headed to lot 1 for dinner at kfc. WAS STARVING AND DEHYDRATING CAN? haha! didn't have lunch lar. but at least i did have something for recess (: the three guys downed their food at an unbelievable pace! i upsized my pepsi to a large one! which really satisfied my thirst, and irvin had a large mash potato! unbelievably dude, you're still lean man! its like you can never get fat man. haha! (:

3 guys headed home after that. girls were hanging at lot 1 for a while i think. while irvin and elliot got off at bukit batok i went home. and am now here posting!! (: well, thats about it for today! hope you've enjoyed reading! thanks for dropping by people! (:

to BABY!: so sorry couldn't spend time with you today, and you have to end up rotting at home! haha (: hope you understand that i have to complete my cip okay? sorry that i can't spend next friday with you as well. feel so bad lar :( but i'll try to meet you as and when we're both free and can meet each other next week okay? and hopefully we'll meet tomorrow as well! (: take care baby! byebye! (:

Labels: dogs dogs dogs

{ Updates! like.. finally. }

Thursday, July 17, 2008 // 7/17/2008 11:00:00 PM

shades on me!

shades on her! (:

on me once again (:

okay people, sorry for the super duper duper super long delay of my new post. haha (:

been too busy lately with life and all the "joys" it has to offer (:

okay since i'm listening to nice music and it has a pretty good rhythm with it, this shall be a happy post. haha.

lets see.. events events events.. uh... the furthest i can remember is... wah i really can't remember man..

okay, the photos you see were take when my sweetheart cheryl and i went to vivo! i think it was this week.. yet again i can't remember! haha. Cool shades right?? don't worry they're not mine, i got them for cheryl from tangs! for around 17 bucks? yeah around there lah..

fast forward >>

(sorry ar people i really have short term memory, can't really remember what happened over the past few days. too many things already. haha (: )

haha, hmmm seems like my baby's having problem with her laptop again. haha! seeing her msn picture popping up every few seconds (:

well, today was okay. Had two freaking tests of which both i completely did not study for. haha (: i wish i did though. was too occupied with math homework last night. Went to meet up with cheryl after school! We're kinda poor today so we went to kopitiam for lunch. haha (: she had delicious honey chicken rice, which i thought was tasty (thats why i said delicious), though there was a little too much gravy. haha (: and i had hor fun! and we shared a bowl of fishball soup as well, because my little princess wanted soup! (: she ate lesser fish balls than me of course. haha (: was about to explode when i finished all the food ( including cheryl's!) haha (: went to get curry puffs cos she wanted to eat at home, and we headed home after that. Couldn't send her to the gate today though, how sad, i think i have yet to send her to her gate this week, and i doubt i will. haha! (: anyway, baby's still got a bit of cough/phlegm, so get well soon baby! drink gallons of water okay? (: must listen to boyfriend ar! :P

moving on to the slighty sadder part of the story:

I'm sorry baby i really can't get the thought, about our future, out of my mind. I'd really be so heartbroken to let there come a day where because of our religious backgrounds, we'd have to go our separate ways. To readers, i know it seems far-fetched, my thinking, but i'd really hate to know that after being together for so long, we'd separate because of something that i knew deep down, would cause this. I can't bear watching you in hurt, more over, in the future. I love you so much that i'd do anything to minimize or at least relieve you of as much hurt as i can. I hope you understand baby. It really means a lot to me, our relationship now, and our relationship in the future. I do want to spend more years of my life with you, but then again, if its at the cost of your heart being wrecked beyond recognition, i'll give up my selfish wants for you. I'll do whatever thats possible for you.

hope this kinda clears things up a bit. (:

Labels: finally i posted

{ youth day! and today. }

Tuesday, July 8, 2008 // 7/08/2008 10:03:00 PM

WELL AIN'T THIS SWEET!!!!

well! had an enjoyable youth day with my darling cheryl! haha (:

we had breakfast with alan (aka CB) and hillary at BK! (: apparently cheryl and I got there earlier and we were the ones staying further. haha! each couple had one meal each, probably the lack of appetite, i was and still am having tonsilitis. (is that how you spell it? correct me if i'm wrong thanks (: )

After breakfast we headed over to my place, VIA CAB again! because the princess has lazy lazy feet! haha (: kinda thankful for her sometimes actually, saves me the walking too :P

got to my place and we watched Sports Movie and Fool's Gold. Sports movie was kinda hilarious yet boring at the same time. fool's gold is pretty cool though (:

used the computer for a while and we watched a crappy episode of incredible tales on mobtv. haha!

I cooked maggie me for my princess! she ordered 5 hot dogs along, of which 5 she ate like, 2. haha! i cooked some vegetarian instant noodle for myself as well cos her noodles were making me hungry (:

aiyoooh... okay while i'm posting i'm chatting to loads of people so i'm kinda lazy to post now. haha (:

will let you see a few photos she and i took and the end of this post alright? (:

well, youth day's night sucked. don't wanna talk about it, but it just sucked to the core.

as for today! today was, okay okay. i got 17+1 for physics test (: BEAT YOU ALAN!

HAHAHAHAHAHA! okay lar but his A maths beat me thats for sure. haha (:

ROSEMARY WAS A BITCH!

(rosemary is our social studies workshop trainer)

haha, yeah i let it out (: she was really sweet at first though, seemed like another passionate teacher with all her love for students! Well, seems like you can't judge a book by its cover. Congrats rosemary you just screwed you perfect image that the class had of you. goodbye.

spent the after school hours with baby for a bit! had lunch at vivo and we headed back home!

i sent her home! and headed back home for dinner and tuition.

Just a note for all:

Cheryl and I, are getting married!

YEAH RIGHT!..

haha, no lar, just wanna tell everyone that we're back on track already (: things have been more or less stabilized (: thanks to all those for the support (: and i'm sure we'll break through the one year barrier with ease! (: I love you baby! (:

thank you brenda as well! for your unwavering support and your oh-so-sweet letter and kit kat! (: love the letter as well! really touched by your kind deed (: always know that i'm there when you need me too old pal! (:

HERE ARE THE PHOTOS! (:

okay fine the photos are at the top. haha (: enjoy!

{ updating you (:. }

Saturday, July 5, 2008 // 7/05/2008 11:42:00 PM

the party went smoothly, mummy didn't find out, and we had a great time! (:
Hope you liked your bag ryan!!!
and don't forget to thank cheryl jie jie for the minature taxi as well!

and thank you baby for shopping with me for his present!!! (:
don't owe you a cake anymore because i already got you one! the dry, makes you drink lots of water mudpie cake from coffee bean :P

i managed to take a beautiful family portrait, i don't have it in daddy's computer though, so i'll post it some other day (:

daddy TOTALLY overordered!!!
okay there were 7 adults and 7 kids!

total, 3 families lar okay?

this is what he ordered:

2 large canadian pizzas
20piece kfc chicken
1 large and 3 medium whipped potato 1 large and 3 medium coleslaw
4 big macs
4 filet o'fish
4 large cokes
4 large fries

yeah i think thats about it.

haha! but that's daddy for you lar.
his excuse?
i'd rather overbuy than underbuy so there won't be a scenario where there is only one piece left and someone have to give in to another person for that piece. haha!
love you daddy (:

as for friday, spent the after with cheryl!
as usual, walked over fron tiong bahru plaza to her school and waited for her at the bustop.
had lunch at kopitiam! woohoo! love to eat there now (: big burden off our wallets :P
do miss sushi tei though, miss the taste and all...
she had her don as usual! almost finished it!! the next time you shall finish it yourself baby! :P
i had hor fun! really tasty, and its served in the cute little wok (: the gravy was delish and the egg white was silky! (: shall have that again the next time (:

met her bestie at exactly where baby predicted she would be. (my baby's a psychic! :P )
passed her the book and we walked around a while more.
We got fool's gold and something else, can't remember the title. but they're both NC16! and we're totally legal to watch it. cept for dorcas! haha! sorry ar dorcas, cheryl bully you until influence me already. haha (:

and we shall watch it on monday! youth day! (: and baby shall not give me false hope! :P

as for saturday,
its been a really boring saturday, totally rotted today (:
got SOMETHING for alan, the CB!!!
haha! (cb is referred to something other than the hokkien vulgarity, fyi (: )
went over to daddy's place after that (:
and i went to cold storage not long ago (:
got baby japanese biscuits! (:

that's about all for now.
shall post again soon.
thanks all supporters who have tagged! (:
love you guys.
love cheryl MOST! :P

Labels: unstoppable

{ life's greatness. }

Wednesday, July 2, 2008 // 7/02/2008 09:14:00 PM

tomorrow, 3rd of july, is ryan's fourth birthday.

4 years old, close to a metre in height.

my little monster brother.

i was supposed to have tuition, told ying ling ( my wonderful tutor), that my bro's birthday was tomorrow, so had to reschedule, she was okay with it.

but, what to tell mummy?

i'm going for my little brother's party?

and she'll be like: i told you to stay away from that bastard right?

well, that's what you get when you live a split life.

actually, more than that. Much much more.

you get a mum, and a dad. you get love from both, you get care from both. you get advice from both.

this is what i get. i get, all of the above, and, meaningless family photos. hatred. mental torment. hurt. and every other saddening emotion you can think of.

i'm trying so hard, to get rid of the f9 logo printed on me. to study harder. to love more. to appreciate more. to be the best for every god damn thing.

the best boyfriend,

the best son,

the best educated,

the best guy,

the best friend.

i've achieved none.

here's why i've failed.

i can never seem to keep her happy 100%, i end up spoiling her mood.

this son has 2 sides to live to a 100%, so its a total of 200%, 5 days a week i spend with mummy, 1 and a 1/2 days with daddy. Being so preoccupied with everything else, i can't be the best.

with this kind of shit scores i'm getting, i ain't going nowhere. i keep telling myself to study, make mummy and daddy proud, but i'm doing worse. far worse.

i've got every shit flaw that you can think of.

i've told the guys i'd try my best to but i'm only trying like 50% of the time.

is it i'm expecting too much of myself?

no no, no way. everyone else can be the best at least one of it, why can't i?

because i'm a hopeless, useless, motherfucking bum thats why.

sucking up the air that should be given to others.

shorterning people's life by taking away their time.

you know what, i dont know where's this post going.

i love her so much. i really don't know if i'm doing anything wrong. i wish i knew if i did. now she's damned pissed with me. and i don't know what to do to please her anymore

i don't know what to do anymore

Labels: i don't know where this life is going.